…Oh HELLO there! I almost didn’t see you. Being the brightest Gold Jacket in the world has its downsides, one of them being that sometimes my admirers are obstructed by my shine. What an AUspicious day for you, meeting me like this. I’m thrilled for you! You must have so many questions.

Ah, I see. You’re in AU of my splendor and can’t think of anything to say. Totally understandable. After all, what IS one to do in the face of such brilliance? I certainly wouldn’t know what to say were I a mere homo sapien meeting THE only inductee into the Golden Jacket Hall of Fame! Well, self-inducted, as the GJHOF didn’t previously exist. My publicist was furious about that.

No matter! As they say, silence is Golden. Thankfully, after all these years in the spotlight, I feel right at home talking about myself at length. Look, I even compiled a list of my most frequently asked questions! You really hit the jacketpot, didn’t you. And away we go!

1: How in the world do I achieve my natural glow?

Well, I happen to have quite the efficient staff on hand. The brunette human currently serving as my Executive Display Shoulders takes excellent care of my lustrous exterior. She also serves me a lot of kale. The kale is important.

2: Are you worth your weight in actual gold?

Stupid question, but I always humor my fans with an answer. OF COURSE I AM.

3: What are you feelings on silver?

Why don’t you ask me what my feelings are on DMV waiting lines and over ripe avocados? Also a stupid question, but I’m nothing if not dedicated to the people’s curiosity.

4: Favorite Golden Oldie?

While I have very little time for such trivial past times, I’m quite partial to Golden Girls.

5: Favorite gym song?

Gold Digger. These broad shoulders would be nothing without the help of Kanye.

Well, while I’ve truly enjoyed getting to know each other better, I really have to run. Fame is no patient creature, you know. What was that? How do I manage it all? Funny, for a moment I could swear you directed that question at my Executive Display Shoulders. Clearly my mistake. While much of my success is due to natural talent, I always remember the Gold Rule.

Floss daily.


Jacket: Dobbin St. Co-Op

Bag: Everlane

Shoes and Jeans: Beacon’s Closet

Earrings: Canned Goods

Everything else: Found on the side of the road. (JK just random estate sales in small towns.)