I think you’ll recognize the type I’m about to expound upon. Even if her existence is confined to the realms of television and self-help books.

Picture the woman who not only owns a planner, but actually writes stuff in it. Her phone screen remains unscathed by the archetypal inebriated tumbles of mere mortals. Calling the dentist to schedule her bi-annual appointment is not a fate worse than the impending root canal itself but a simple task. She’ll neatly write the date of her next chomper-cleaning in her planner. She possesses the supernatural power to resist the mountain of donuts in the breakroom and she’s frequently called upon to demonstrate in her daily Power Barre class.

Kinda hate her. Kinda dig her Burberry trench. Definitely interested in taking it up a few notches toward her level of life proficiency.

Contrary to my own recurring beliefs, five consecutive hours of Scandal while eating cold pizza in bed has yet to turn me into Olivia Pope. Hence, I’ve been forced to consider alternative methods.

Your time to shine, Mister Belt.

While the shit that comprises my life may not be intact 24…or even 12…/7, at least a belt can act as an inanimate Dr. Phil for my clothing. Layers flailing about my body are instantly and calmly collected. Extreme bloating? All I need is a lengthy swatch of some sort of material and a roomy dress and BAM. It’s like that entire pint of Ben and Jerry’s never passed my lips.

Wear them slung low around your hips, cinched tight about your waist, or even situated slightly precariously right below your boobs. Once in a while, I contemplate wrapping one around my head, but I prefer not to be likened to Quailman at this juncture in life. Perhaps another time.

I typically opt for funky vintage belts of wildly varied hues and strange shapes. Not quite an optimal pairing for that as-of-yet non-existent Burberry addition to my closet, but it ain’t a tube of raw cookie dough in lieu of dinner either.

Compromise. Perhaps I’ll dedicate a chapter to it in my self-help book.

Loving the photos you see here today? Sarah Conely is the mastermind behind them. Take a peek at her Facebook page or her Website or Instagram

All clothing and accessories shown today are thrifted. As per usual. Prices for these pieces range from 54 cents to perhaps four or five dollars.