Hello and please welcome yourself to Heavens to Etsy! Shopping online for vintage can feel like a lawless and futile task. It can feel like wandering aimlessly through a Goodwill three hundred times the normal size. Sometimes, your vision goes blurry. Maybe you start having nightmares about polyester. The Garbage Lady is here to assist you. Every week, I’ll mine my favorite vintage gems from the vast quarry that is Etsy. All you have to do is take a deep, throaty exhale, sit back and browse a sensible amount of goodies. Haahhhhhghghghhhghghhg. 

This week, I found some doozies.

Have you ever been invited to play golf with a circus troupe? Boy did I find the perfect top for you.

In search of the perfect decorative dish to conceal your favorite hazelnut truffles from undeserving guests? Problem solved.

Perhaps you’d like to draw more attention to your newly cleaned ear canals. Search no further than these beaded earrings. 

When expressing your gastronomic sensibilities verbally to your in-laws just isn’t enough, wear this apron.

Don’t ask questions, I just have a strong gut feeling that you need this bag.

If you need sunglasses and earrings but only have money for one, there’s an app  for that.

I suggest this scarf if you like art so much, you want it wrapped around your neck/head/ankle/armpits.

Slingbacks  to don when you want to be the kooky attendee of the neighborhood watch meeting.

If you need to follow your Hinge date around NYC for the day to make sure they’re not a weirdo, may I recommend this linen short-sleeved jacket.  You’ll blend with the traffic cones, yellow cabs and jars of green juice.

When you want to look professional, but only insofar as the collar, buy this halter top.

I found you a lunchbox.

Sometimes, you deserve a treat in the form of purple pleats.

Maybe you’d like an off-white tank top to wear with everything this summer, but not the boring kind.

To finish, we have a tee-shirt that is not vintage but is, without a doubt, one of the best finds on Etsy.

And with that, I bid you adieu.