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Winter Survival Hack: Consider a Swimsuit
Your swimsuits texted me; they miss you. Take all the time you need to process that image, but come right back! We have crucial matters to discuss. First of all, on a scale of one to a cow with influenza, how utterly sick of your winter wardrobe are you? If you’re feeling nauseous, due to…
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Buttons: Superfluous in the Face of Silk
Not to be predictable, but I picked this outfit from a garbage bag. Had I an ounce of common decency, I would have prepped for my photo shoot with creative goddess Paige Klingerman by neatly packing two, maybe three outfits in one of my large but sensible tote bags. But apparently, such is not the…
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Here’s one more way to wear your vintage scarf
There’s been a territory dispute raging around my skull for some time now. I feel about a vintage scarf the way Jiro feels about his sushi. Especially when they’re simultaneously silk and eccentric. And I live to tie them in strange ways around my neck. But I also enjoy earrings the size of Spongebob Squarepants…
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Sustainable Style Candy: Ivy and Toot
Frankenstein probably doesn’t immediately strike you as a sartorial paradigm, huh? Forget the neck screws and bear with me for a second. It’s actually a simple concept: take a bunch of old, formerly obsolete stuff, create a new entity out of it. Sure, Mary Shelley applied all of that to humans and made one big…
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Vibe ‘n’ Imbibe: Mama Magnolia
Ah, Winter. The callous reminder that we homo sapiens originated in Africa. Near the equator. Today, though the seasonal sprouting of Polar Bear-like fur would have been nice, I’m here to remind you of two of the many wonderful ways in which our ancestors did us a genetic solid. Bipedalism. All the better to…
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The Perks of Wearing a Festive Hat
We humans have devised many a creative way to protect our beloved brains: Helmets. Sombreros. Literature. The options range wider than Michael Phelps’ wing span. But once Winter rears its snuggly head, that myriad of choices invariably dwindles down to a single species of hat. We call them Beanies. Unfortunately. The extent of your experience…
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In Celebration of our Lower Halves
Attention: The party has been temporarily relocated from within the pants to the actual pants themselves, with a feisty pre-game session to be had in the form of chunky disco shoes. I’d like to take a few sentences and give credit where credit is exceedingly due. Our lower halves. To begin: the body part that…
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The Real OG: Pondering Pierre Balmain
I awakened Wednesday of last week and began the day as usual. Calisthenics with Vladimir, my personal trainer. Thirty minutes of scales, Beethoven and Rachmaninoff at the Piano forte. Two and a half raw eggs. Bee pollen smoothie ‘cause I was feeling extra peckish. Ten minute mirror pep talk culminating in a twenty second…
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Pimp Your Shoe: Runway Diva Edition
Welcome to this episode of Pimp Your Shoe with your host, The Garbage Lady. What’s that? There’s an elephant looming in the corner of my blogosphere? Ah. Yes. That would be my horrendous walking utensils. Let’s forge ahead and lay it all out there, shall we? My feet have more cracks than Indiana Jones’ whip…
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Humor Me: My Slam Dunk Story
“ONE MORE! ONE MORE! ONE MORE!” This crowd is wild like an all-day Nat Geo marathon. Time to up my game. My arm extends toward the prized destination as if on its own accord. Some may call this destiny. I call it another day on the job. As my expertly poised limb arcs high further…