Not to be predictable, but I picked this outfit from a garbage bag.

Had I an ounce of common decency, I would have prepped for my photo shoot with creative goddess Paige Klingerman by neatly packing two, maybe three outfits in one of my large but sensible tote bags.

But apparently, such is not the way of a chronically indecisive woman on the brink of her quarter life crisis. I wanted, no, needed the entirety of my wardrobe present with me for this shoot. For moral support. And since I bear no relation to Mary Poppins, I was forced to venture outside the realm of normal accessories in search of transportation methods.

Meaning: the box of trash bags under my sink.

Plastic clothing chariot slung over my shoulder, I made the great weekend trek from Bushwick to the Upper East Side to meet Paige. I arrived with rivers of sweat coursing down my back, essentially the Santa Clause of second hand clothing as I merrily opened my bag of treats.

Here’s the vintage miracle that ensued:

 

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Like a beacon of thrifting cheer, the first thing that called out to me was a vintage Escada belt. Since I clearly have an affinity for sugar and am a good 500 crunches away from wearing that piece anywhere other than the narrowest part of my midsection, I paired it with this blouse which was practically screaming at me to forgo its buttons.

Not one to crush dreams, I used Escada as my method of complying with those pesky public exposure laws. Like a patterned silk champagne float, I topped off the ensemble with a scarf tied in a vaguely ascot-like manner round my neck, because why not top luxury with more decadent luxury? Quit while you’re ahead? Who does that??

The shorts I wore purely because it was nine thousand degrees outside. The shoes, because I wanted to feel like a glam astronaut during my walk to the Lower East Side.

A word of advice to any New Yorkers or those visiting the city: The Sprinkles Cupcake ATM is a magical experience and one I highly recommend for anyone in need of sugary respite.

 

Another important note: Paige Klingerman is a genius with a camera. Follow her Instagram at @Rampaigephoto and check out her website