To hell with the milkmaid trend. I’ve no emotional capacity left for a conservative, ruffled dress soaked in my own back sweat. Ripped denim, on the other hand, I just can’t seem to stay away from. The naysayers will declare it’s a dead look, a has been, a sham. That slashed denim died with the 90s. You know what I say to that? “Boy, do my thighs feel well ventilated today!”

How, you may ask, does one wear ripped denim and not look like they frequent Hell’s Angels conventions? Well, you do this:

Feast your eyes on these grungy bermuda shorts. Occasionally, I tell people that they were gifted to me by a grizzly bear who was keeping them on the wall of her cave as a decorative piece. The top I have on here is actually a vintage Bill Blass scarf. But you already knew that, didn’t you? And while we’re on the topic, have you ever tried wearing a scarf as a halter top?

It’s no coincidence that I have my hands in my pockets in both of these photos. This is due to my highly rational fear of pulling a Ricky Bobby in Talladega Nights. Admittedly, a micro mini-skirt with a high slit is quite a strong look. However, such things have their place in the world, even if that place mainly revolves around heavy drinking. In other news, have you ever tried twisting two neck scarves together like a swirled ice cream cone? As soon as the opportunity arises, I highly suggest it.

Speaking of recommendations, I need a haircut. If anyone in LA has a lead, please scream it into the wind as loud as you can.

Here come the outfit details!

Top Look: Earrings and shoes from Awoke Vintage, scarf from an estate sale in NC, shorts from 28 Scott

Bottom Look: Earrings from Awoke Vintage, cuff by Canned Goods, skirt from 28 Scott, Polka dot shirt, shoes and scarves are vintage from estate sales.