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Happy Hour Is Calling. No, But Really.
*Beep* Heyyyyyyyyyayayayayayayayyyyyyyyayay. *Hiccup* It’s ME your Happy Hour! *Chortle* I’ve been thinking. Let’s CHANGE this stupid dumb name they gave me. Nobody likes HAPPY if people liked HAPPY they wouldn’t watch TV shows called “Naked and Afraid” or “Fear Factor” or “Sister Wives”. Let’s make this INTERESTING. I did a list of namer changer…
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Startup Seeking Unpaid CEO Intern
Position Description: Startup seeking rockstar of a CEO intern! Passion for CEO’ing is a must. Our ideal candidate is a hardworking go-getter who’s creative and detail oriented, but not so much that you notice we aren’t paying you. If you’re a motivated, driven, ambitious (and rich) college student interested in the corporate domination industry, then…
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My Gold Jacket Is Thrilled To Meet You
…Oh HELLO there! I almost didn’t see you. Being the brightest Gold Jacket in the world has its downsides, one of them being that sometimes my admirers are obstructed by my shine. What an AUspicious day for you, meeting me like this. I’m thrilled for you! You must have so many questions. Ah, I see.…
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Justin Timberlake Is My Sartorial Therapist
Justin Timberlake: Wait a minute, you ready, JT? The Garbage Lady, née Jennie Thwaites: To sing a resounding duet with you at the Superbowl this year? Born ready, Timberlake. Shall we rehearse now? I’ll lead the vocal warm ups. WEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOO. HAWERRGGGGGGGGGGGH. BAHHHHHHHHHBAHHHBAHHH. ermf Timberlake: … Garbage Lady: You’re right, it’s a poor idea. I remember what happened last time…
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A Few Words From My Red Cowgirl Hat
Howdy, sugar! It’s me, Henrietta May Hatterson, THE one and only favorite hat of the rootin’ tootin’ cowgirl legend, Dixie Sue Anne Buckinbroncoson. The two of us together? Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar we made quite the pair. Sittin’ atop Dixie’s golden curls, a stadium of hollerin’ fans surrounding us, well, I was…
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Humor Me: My Slam Dunk Story
“ONE MORE! ONE MORE! ONE MORE!” This crowd is wild like an all-day Nat Geo marathon. Time to up my game. My arm extends toward the prized destination as if on its own accord. Some may call this destiny. I call it another day on the job. As my expertly poised limb arcs high further…
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The Club can Definitely Handle me Right Now
I wrote a piece for the Man Repeller Writer’s Club Prompt a week or so ago. It wasn’t selected, but I still think it’s worth reading. So here you are! Allow me to break down the scene for you. Outfit: Neon and Sweat Soaked Location: Somewhere alongside the road Activity: Sprinting (Read: Jogging) … (Read:…
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10 Times I Tried to Look Normal in a Photo and 100% Failed
I won’t be surprised when Kendall Jenner hits me up asking for tips after this display of photographic excellence.
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Introducing: The Sartorial Mullet
We all know how the saying goes. Business up front…what in the back? Well, in this case we have a top almost completely unbuttoned, revealing an amount of skin that would most likely leave it’s original owner in a state of shock and horror. I somehow doubt that “party” was a term frequently used by…
