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A Few Words From My Red Cowgirl Hat
Howdy, sugar! It’s me, Henrietta May Hatterson, THE one and only favorite hat of the rootin’ tootin’ cowgirl legend, Dixie Sue Anne Buckinbroncoson. The two of us together? Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar we made quite the pair. Sittin’ atop Dixie’s golden curls, a stadium of hollerin’ fans surrounding us, well, I was…
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Thanksgiving Hack: Wear a Tent
I’m taking several preemptive measures this Thanksgiving. Gym in the morning. Viewing of MTV’s “True Life”: I’m a Competitive Eater. For inspiration. An outfit that is festive, yet hangs as far away from my body as sartorially possible. I can’t think straight when my clothing suddenly aspires to be an anaconda and attempts to strangle…
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Coat Remedy
Fall is the season of change. The leaves to orange, the air to crisp and my smile to a grimace. I don’t hide my dislike for the cold. But I do find solace in pieces of clothing that have purposes other than keeping my internal organs from freezing solid. This year, I’ve found two new…
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Winter Survival Hack: Consider a Swimsuit
Your swimsuits texted me; they miss you. Take all the time you need to process that image, but come right back! We have crucial matters to discuss. First of all, on a scale of one to a cow with influenza, how utterly sick of your winter wardrobe are you? If you’re feeling nauseous, due to…
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Buttons: Superfluous in the Face of Silk
Not to be predictable, but I picked this outfit from a garbage bag. Had I an ounce of common decency, I would have prepped for my photo shoot with creative goddess Paige Klingerman by neatly packing two, maybe three outfits in one of my large but sensible tote bags. But apparently, such is not the…
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Here’s one more way to wear your vintage scarf
There’s been a territory dispute raging around my skull for some time now. I feel about a vintage scarf the way Jiro feels about his sushi. Especially when they’re simultaneously silk and eccentric. And I live to tie them in strange ways around my neck. But I also enjoy earrings the size of Spongebob Squarepants…
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Sustainable Style Candy: Ivy and Toot
Frankenstein probably doesn’t immediately strike you as a sartorial paradigm, huh? Forget the neck screws and bear with me for a second. It’s actually a simple concept: take a bunch of old, formerly obsolete stuff, create a new entity out of it. Sure, Mary Shelley applied all of that to humans and made one big…
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The Perks of Wearing a Festive Hat
We humans have devised many a creative way to protect our beloved brains: Helmets. Sombreros. Literature. The options range wider than Michael Phelps’ wing span. But once Winter rears its snuggly head, that myriad of choices invariably dwindles down to a single species of hat. We call them Beanies. Unfortunately. The extent of your experience…
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In Celebration of our Lower Halves
Attention: The party has been temporarily relocated from within the pants to the actual pants themselves, with a feisty pre-game session to be had in the form of chunky disco shoes. I’d like to take a few sentences and give credit where credit is exceedingly due. Our lower halves. To begin: the body part that…
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The Real OG: Pondering Pierre Balmain
I awakened Wednesday of last week and began the day as usual. Calisthenics with Vladimir, my personal trainer. Thirty minutes of scales, Beethoven and Rachmaninoff at the Piano forte. Two and a half raw eggs. Bee pollen smoothie ‘cause I was feeling extra peckish. Ten minute mirror pep talk culminating in a twenty second…