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Happy Hour Is Calling. No, But Really.
*Beep* Heyyyyyyyyyayayayayayayayyyyyyyyayay. *Hiccup* It’s ME your Happy Hour! *Chortle* I’ve been thinking. Let’s CHANGE this stupid dumb name they gave me. Nobody likes HAPPY if people liked HAPPY they wouldn’t watch TV shows called “Naked and Afraid” or “Fear Factor” or “Sister Wives”. Let’s make this INTERESTING. I did a list of namer changer…
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Startup Seeking Unpaid CEO Intern
Position Description: Startup seeking rockstar of a CEO intern! Passion for CEO’ing is a must. Our ideal candidate is a hardworking go-getter who’s creative and detail oriented, but not so much that you notice we aren’t paying you. If you’re a motivated, driven, ambitious (and rich) college student interested in the corporate domination industry, then…
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I Enjoy Selva Negra
In the unfortunate event that I’m required to wear pants, I prefer them red, ruffled and leisurely. Years from now, in my bedazzled turquoise rocking chair, I’ll still be thanking Selva Negra for finding me the perfect pair. The LA-based brand excels in the rare amalgam of sensuality, comfort and eccentricity. Their pieces speak, but leave…
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A Vintage Robe is Making Me Question My Life
I’ve been given life advice by inanimate objects before. Ice cream serving size suggestions. Stop signs. Targeted ads. But I never thought the most poignant of the lot would be a blue-green vintage robe. Initially, I bought the robe because I thought I’d look like hungover Cinderella in repose after a wild night out with…
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My Gold Jacket Is Thrilled To Meet You
…Oh HELLO there! I almost didn’t see you. Being the brightest Gold Jacket in the world has its downsides, one of them being that sometimes my admirers are obstructed by my shine. What an AUspicious day for you, meeting me like this. I’m thrilled for you! You must have so many questions. Ah, I see.…
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Garbage Lady: In The Wild
Amid the baron wilderness of Brooklyn in Winter, a rare sight emerges: the elusive Garbage Lady in her natural habitat. Note how she stands idly on the random street corner, almost as if she has nothing better to do. Is she lying in wait? Stalking prey? Posing for a photo? Let’s move in for a…
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A Few Words From My Red Cowgirl Hat
Howdy, sugar! It’s me, Henrietta May Hatterson, THE one and only favorite hat of the rootin’ tootin’ cowgirl legend, Dixie Sue Anne Buckinbroncoson. The two of us together? Oh, you can bet your bottom dollar we made quite the pair. Sittin’ atop Dixie’s golden curls, a stadium of hollerin’ fans surrounding us, well, I was…
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Thanksgiving Hack: Wear a Tent
I’m taking several preemptive measures this Thanksgiving. Gym in the morning. Viewing of MTV’s “True Life”: I’m a Competitive Eater. For inspiration. An outfit that is festive, yet hangs as far away from my body as sartorially possible. I can’t think straight when my clothing suddenly aspires to be an anaconda and attempts to strangle…
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Coat Remedy
Fall is the season of change. The leaves to orange, the air to crisp and my smile to a grimace. I don’t hide my dislike for the cold. But I do find solace in pieces of clothing that have purposes other than keeping my internal organs from freezing solid. This year, I’ve found two new…
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Humor Me: My Slam Dunk Story
“ONE MORE! ONE MORE! ONE MORE!” This crowd is wild like an all-day Nat Geo marathon. Time to up my game. My arm extends toward the prized destination as if on its own accord. Some may call this destiny. I call it another day on the job. As my expertly poised limb arcs high further…
