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How to Wear A Blazer In the Summer: Don’t Put Your Arms In
A lightweight blazer is a fine tool should you need to skip town. It fits nicely into a small suitcase and is just capacious enough to hide a stolen ruby. You can also wear one several ways, effectively throwing off any torch and pitchfork wielding crowds. I’ll elaborate on the versatility a bit. A blazer…
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Summer Outfit Idea: Yacht Wear With a Hint of Trashy
Brethren! Welcome to my summer outfit idea. Question for you: do you know anyone who has or knows how to steal a yacht? If so, please send me their email, Instagram handle, and home address. If not, join me on this proposition: any location may be treated as if it’s a large and luxurious watercraft.…
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How About Some Ripped Denim?
To hell with the milkmaid trend. I’ve no emotional capacity left for a conservative, ruffled dress soaked in my own back sweat. Ripped denim, on the other hand, I just can’t seem to stay away from. The naysayers will declare it’s a dead look, a has been, a sham. That slashed denim died with the…
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Wear Your Scarf As A Halter Top
Twas a fine day to wear my vintage scarf from Awoke as a halter top. The sun shone. The birds sang. My back sweat strove to be nationally recognized as a body of water. Truthfully, I just wanted another way to show off the dynamite print on this silky sucker. Observe: The blues! The greens! There’s simply…
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Your Skirt Called Me. It Wants To Be A Dress.
Sustainable fashion comes down to quality, but not just of the pieces. It also pertains to the relationship you have with your wardrobe. And that involves seeing potential. Sometimes, your scarf is longing to be a top. Maybe your gigantic earring wants to be a brooch for a day. Perhaps your slightly too large tangerine…
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A Vintage Robe is Making Me Question My Life
I’ve been given life advice by inanimate objects before. Ice cream serving size suggestions. Stop signs. Targeted ads. But I never thought the most poignant of the lot would be a blue-green vintage robe. Initially, I bought the robe because I thought I’d look like hungover Cinderella in repose after a wild night out with…
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Garbage Lady: In The Wild
Amid the baron wilderness of Brooklyn in Winter, a rare sight emerges: the elusive Garbage Lady in her natural habitat. Note how she stands idly on the random street corner, almost as if she has nothing better to do. Is she lying in wait? Stalking prey? Posing for a photo? Let’s move in for a…
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Thanksgiving Hack: Wear a Tent
I’m taking several preemptive measures this Thanksgiving. Gym in the morning. Viewing of MTV’s “True Life”: I’m a Competitive Eater. For inspiration. An outfit that is festive, yet hangs as far away from my body as sartorially possible. I can’t think straight when my clothing suddenly aspires to be an anaconda and attempts to strangle…
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Coat Remedy
Fall is the season of change. The leaves to orange, the air to crisp and my smile to a grimace. I don’t hide my dislike for the cold. But I do find solace in pieces of clothing that have purposes other than keeping my internal organs from freezing solid. This year, I’ve found two new…
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Winter Survival Hack: Consider a Swimsuit
Your swimsuits texted me; they miss you. Take all the time you need to process that image, but come right back! We have crucial matters to discuss. First of all, on a scale of one to a cow with influenza, how utterly sick of your winter wardrobe are you? If you’re feeling nauseous, due to…
