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How to Wear A Blazer In the Summer: Don’t Put Your Arms In
A lightweight blazer is a fine tool should you need to skip town. It fits nicely into a small suitcase and is just capacious enough to hide a stolen ruby. You can also wear one several ways, effectively throwing off any torch and pitchfork wielding crowds. I’ll elaborate on the versatility a bit. A blazer…
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Summer Outfit Idea: Yacht Wear With a Hint of Trashy
Brethren! Welcome to my summer outfit idea. Question for you: do you know anyone who has or knows how to steal a yacht? If so, please send me their email, Instagram handle, and home address. If not, join me on this proposition: any location may be treated as if it’s a large and luxurious watercraft.…
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Sample some Dadybones
I’d liken Dadybones to a spiked milkshake. Both offer the sweet whimsy of childhood and the devilish edge of adulthood. I’ll take it all, whether it’s dripping down my chin, adorning my ears or dangling from my wrist. Dadybones excels in my favorite type of accessory: the statement earring. These I love for myriad reasons.…
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The Summer Canadian Tuxedo
I was once a skeptic of the Canadian Tuxedo. “Too much of a good thing.” I quipped. “What would I ever do with all that denim?” I pondered. WELL. Let me tell you, former self. In a well-executed CT, you can: -Climb a small tree. -Sit for hours without damaging any internal organs. -Host a…
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Your Skirt Called Me. It Wants To Be A Dress.
Sustainable fashion comes down to quality, but not just of the pieces. It also pertains to the relationship you have with your wardrobe. And that involves seeing potential. Sometimes, your scarf is longing to be a top. Maybe your gigantic earring wants to be a brooch for a day. Perhaps your slightly too large tangerine…
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I Enjoy Selva Negra
In the unfortunate event that I’m required to wear pants, I prefer them red, ruffled and leisurely. Years from now, in my bedazzled turquoise rocking chair, I’ll still be thanking Selva Negra for finding me the perfect pair. The LA-based brand excels in the rare amalgam of sensuality, comfort and eccentricity. Their pieces speak, but leave…
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Playing Dress Up With Ajaie Alaie
I said my goodbyes to the Ides of March: The excessive Uber rides. Personal hygiene pushed to the side. Musty monochrome jackets thrilling as a TV guide. Access to itchy armpit, scratchily denied. Forgot what the grass looks like outside. Winter’s over. It may be having its final temper tantrum in New York City, insufferable…
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My Gold Jacket Is Thrilled To Meet You
…Oh HELLO there! I almost didn’t see you. Being the brightest Gold Jacket in the world has its downsides, one of them being that sometimes my admirers are obstructed by my shine. What an AUspicious day for you, meeting me like this. I’m thrilled for you! You must have so many questions. Ah, I see.…
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Justin Timberlake Is My Sartorial Therapist
Justin Timberlake: Wait a minute, you ready, JT? The Garbage Lady, née Jennie Thwaites: To sing a resounding duet with you at the Superbowl this year? Born ready, Timberlake. Shall we rehearse now? I’ll lead the vocal warm ups. WEEEEEEEHOOOOOOOO. HAWERRGGGGGGGGGGGH. BAHHHHHHHHHBAHHHBAHHH. ermf Timberlake: … Garbage Lady: You’re right, it’s a poor idea. I remember what happened last time…
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Thanksgiving Hack: Wear a Tent
I’m taking several preemptive measures this Thanksgiving. Gym in the morning. Viewing of MTV’s “True Life”: I’m a Competitive Eater. For inspiration. An outfit that is festive, yet hangs as far away from my body as sartorially possible. I can’t think straight when my clothing suddenly aspires to be an anaconda and attempts to strangle…
